47 Ronin (2013)

[My last movie (and post, due to my lateness) for the year! Because I've decided not to spend 18 bucks on The Hobbit. Also, have I mentioned 'late'?]

*spoilers! But if you already know the original story, then there's no point to the warning, then.*

This film is based on the true Japanese story of 47 samurai left leaderless after their lord was forced to commit ritual suicide (seppuku - but according to our local subtitler it's sepupuku, which is Malay for 'my cousin') for assaulting a court official. The ronin (the term for samurais without masters) then enact revenge on the official (apparently he was a massive douche) to restore their lord's honour, and in turn, were obliged to commit seppuku themselves as they had been forbidden by the emperor to retaliate in the first place.

What could've been a film similar to 300 minus the fantastical elephants and Persian ninjas and, well, grounded in realism, is instead turned into a film with fantastical monks, sorcery and no ninjas. And with every Hollywood movie revolving around Asians or Asian culture, affirmative action is in place and you have the obligatory white guy in the film.

Surprisingly, given the (misleading) trailer and Keanu Reeves's top billing, he's technically only a minor character in the film, even though the focus is on him with all those unnecessary close-ups and he's there to counter the baddie's witchcraft subplot. That said, Keanu's presence unfortunately pulls focus from Oishi, the real main character of the film, played by Hiroyuki Sanada. He's the one driving the avenging, gathering all other ronin, and he was the one who busted Keanu out of Singaporethe Dutch settlements. Without him, Keanu would still be cage-fighting mutants for the rest of his days. Oishi is also the one who chases down and has the final fight with villain Lord Kira (rightfully so) and this, to the movie's credit, is not shared with Keanu even after he gains acceptance from the ronin.

With these liberties with the plot (romance is minor, which is good), I was quite pleased with the direction that the film took, even though the plot also seems to have forgotten that it was sorcery that led Lord Asano to his (wrongful) death in the first place (Kira has a witch in employ), and that the ronin are in fact justified in seeking revenge against Lord Kira. It's rather refreshing to watch a movie where the sole white guy doesn't get any special treatment at all, from being utterly mistreated and bullied in the beginning, till the end where there's no reprieve for him from seppuku.

Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike Keanu; it's just that I'm rather sick of movies getting the white-guy treatment (or, nowadays, it's the yellow-guy treatment but that's already a rant) in order to pull audience numbers. I don't get why Hollywood thinks that films with Caucasians sell more than films with people of other races (*cough* The Last Airbender *cough*). I don't get why they can't just have 47 Ronin without Keanu (again, I don't dislike Keanu); I mean, they already have a practically-full Japanese cast; why not just make the whole thing in Japanese and market it as a foreign movie instead.

That said, I'm glad that the movie doesn't alternate/break into Japanese at all, which would be wrong (like in The Wolverine, where in one scene two Japanese people were speaking to each other in English.)

Maybe it's Christmas, but I'm not really hating this movie as much as everyone is. 'Tis the season, I guess.

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If I were a Sin...

...I think I'd be Gluttony. I mean, I'd be more like Gluttony than any of the other six Sins.

[Anger and Envy would tie at a close second.]

The past week or so, I've been stuffing my face, partly because of work stress and partly because it's Christmas and I don't feel festive and joyful enough if I don't stuff my face.

In continuing with the binge-eating, today I had two lunches.

And that was made possible by going to two restaurants.

[Three, if you count Nando's, that we walked out from. They were out of chips and wedges, and I really wanted my Nando's dubble-potato fix on account of Christmas lunch, when they first ran out of chips.]

We went to Dome for their fish and chips, and when it came, the fish was browner than KFC chicken. Since they couldn't exactly give us a new one (the waiter said it will still be as brown), and that same waiter said he only heard one order of fish and chips (instead of two, which is weird to us because he did bring over two sets of cutlery), we accepted the dish by virtue that it was already sent to us, and I shared it with my mom to tide her over till we could go to Xuan Xin for her lunch.

Meal Numero Duo was in Xuan Xin (fourth floor), and we ordered the salted fish fried rice (I can't recall the exact name, but it's the one that I order every single time because I quite love it) and shared it between us. We also ordered the siew mai (I don't know what this is in English) from the dim sum (ditto) menu, but presentation-wise it was awful. The whole thing looked overcooked, and the meat part looked like it kind-of merged with the wrapping which then melted or something. The only upside is that you could actually taste pork, because other siew mais I've tried tasted like fishball-type things.

To cap it all off, after we reached home, I napped. Thus ends my Saturday.

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Debenhams is having a sale!

And today there's an additional 10% off up-to-50% discounted items!! (if you bring the newspaper cutting)

Sadly, all the dresses I wanted were out of size-12s :( So I settled for the only dress that I don't look like a wrapped pork chop in, which is a size-10 incidentally, and is a bit on the short side.

I really wanted this dress:

The only sizes available are 10, 14 and 18. 10 is too tight, and 14 is visibly loose in the top half (but fits nicely 'round the bum).

Granted, even after discount it's not cheap (original price MYR400+), which still brings it up to MYR200-ish. I snapped the above picture from the Debenhams website, and over there it's only retailing at GBP36.00 (after discount!). Argh for bloody exchange rates!!

I should really cut back on the buffets and generally, eating.

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Merry Christmas, everyone!!

Less eggnog-chugging, more peace and goodwill to all mankind!

Plus, Debenhams has a sale tomorrow so I'm really, really excited!

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The Hobbit: A Chrome Experiment.

Tying in with the release of the second Hobbit movie (The Desolation of Smaug), Google has actually come up with what they call "A Chrome Experiment" where you can explore Middle Earth just from your Chrome browser.

I discovered it when I went on Google last week (yes, the post is old) and there it was, just an unassuming link on the Google page. Here it is: http://middle-earth.thehobbit.com/

Zooming into the worldmap, it gives you locations from the film (I believe; because I haven't seen it yet), and clicking on each location gives you more details including mini character bios and mini-games. The mini-games relate to whatever it is that happens on film (the Dol Guldur segment was bloody creepy because the smoke monster Necromancer always got me early in the game).

This is where Sherlock Smaug lives.

It's a pretty neat piece of marketing. The only thing is, it's a massive bitch to load if your internet connection is S-L-O-W. Like how mine is.

[Short post today. And yes, I've run out of things to blog about for the moment.]

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In Dreams - 2013 Edition.

[Fairly oldie, but goodie. And by 'goodie', I mean post-worthy. Though mostly oldie leftovers from posts half-finished.]

I have really weird, super-vivid dreams, sometimes, especially if I happen to stuff my face with a lot of food right before I go to sleep. I meant to keep a dream journal of sorts (and I kept record of some from '07/'08), but I've not had many interesting dreams recently. Hints about life, mayhaps?

Sigh.

Although last night, I did dream that this tenant in my building had a copy of my house and car keys, because I'd asked him to park my car once, and I'd given him the whole set and not just the car key.

In five minutes, he managed to make duplicates.

Aside from being daft that way, what's odd is that our parking garage isn't big enough to need a valet, and the fact that I never ever use a valet, because I don't trust other people with both my car and the keys.

And the dream's not finished yet. As he sauntered off to his usual spot near the front of the elevator (there are chairs and a table for the supervisor), I ran up to him and snatched the key copies back from him.

Then I woke up.

I know what you're thinking, and no, that dream doesn't fall under my usual definition of 'interesting', but yeah, I'll have to settle for that for now.

Another: I once dreamt that the two back teeth on the right side of my mouth were stuck together, top and bottom. They were so stuck, that when I tried to pry them open (not with a crowbar or anything like that, though), they fell out.

So I had four glued-together teeth, sitting in the palm of my hand. There ends anecdote.

Due to lack of blogging material, I'm going to pull some rabbits from the deep recesses of some very old draft posts and also my subconscious, and put them in type. Here goes, from mild to not-so-mild (some five years back, I had some pretty far-out but disturbing dreams):

1. When I was really, really small, I dreamt that I was in a restaurant (H&H! In Petaling Jaya, I think) and then I ran to the toilet, pulled my pants down, squatted, and literally peed myself awake.
2. Commuting. My mom and I were on holiday, and we had to switch buses and trains, while lugging our luggage. Also, there was a freeway in the middle of an ocean, and we went back and forth on that. Can't recall why.
3. Toilet Dreams: Take #2. I'd finished pooping, so I wiped, and attempted to flush, because the flush broke, and the toilet overflowed with chicken wing-shaped poop and I panicked because I knew my mom would kill me. 
4. A far more enjoyable second sequel to The Mummy compared to the actual crap that came out. It was set in Egypt, like it should, and it brought the whole gang back, including Ardeth Bay, and also Imhotep, except that he was an unwilling participant this time around (because in the first sequel, Anucksunamun dumped him and he sacrificed himself).
5. Labyrinth-ian hotel corridors, but not so much maze-like as it is honeycombed. It was a fairly confusing dream, and there was only one floor and one door.
6. Zombie apocalypse! Had it in 2012, which is the right year, if there is ever right year for apocalypses. (I got this from an unposted post about dreams in 2012). We're in this huge barn, high ceilings and all, and the Sheriff (don't ask, don't know) was poking around some wooden crates when one of them falls on her head. She dies, is zombified, and when she gets up, she has this massive gaping head-wound. She approaches us, and for some reason I had this water hose (the firefighting variety) and we turned it on and aimed it at her wound. In real-life logic, this wouldn't work, but hitting her head-wound kept her back. But after a while, the water started becoming clear again (it was red because of her blood), and using the hose didn't work anymore as she was slowly (but surely!) coming for us. We turned and ran, shotgun (don't know where that came from) in hand, and we were on a verandah, and the SWAT guys (also don't know) were swarming the place. And one of us, who looked a bit like Kenan Thompson back when he was fat, started freaking out and flailing about with a firearm of his own and they shot him. That got us to putting down our weapons and holding our hands up, but then I turned around and the sheriff was right behind me and...

Luckily by then, I woke up.

If this post isn't too TL;DR for you, you may also like this, this and (a pretty short) this from '07 and '08.

Happy Throwback Friday!

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So Very British Problems.

[Twice in one night! Wooo!]

Found this gem of a Twitter user from Tom Hiddleston's page some time ago. I'm experiencing an onset of Anglophilia recently, which is rather evident from the fact that I was only in England for a cumulative 24 hours (including sleeping) but still thought that London was the highlight of my entire trip.

[I saw so many British things I was able to identify! As in, recognise pop culture things and know whatever it is they are.]

Coupled with my exposure to British film, TV and books (plus my current craze with English actors) growing up, London is certainly a place I'd like to visit again, albeit for far more hours this time around.

So without further ado, since I have/had a lot of time on my hands tonight (eagle-eyes will spot that I went all the way back to January 2013 for tweets), here are some very-British problems that I can identify with:

Entering into mild panic if unable to pick the correct amount of change from your hand within three seconds
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) November 12, 2013

And then people in the back start tsk-ing and tapping their toes...

Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) November 8, 2013

This is unfortunately me. I'm so awkward around people, I skip the 'hello' and jump right to 'creeping'.

Pretending to write down a number on an imaginary pad with an imaginary pen when you're on the phone and have neither
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 28, 2013

This is slightly a problem; I either find the pen or I find the paper. Never both.

Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 9, 2013

I am quiet because I don't do righteous indignation well.

Noticing somebody smiling at you and wondering what on earth must be wrong with your face
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) June 26, 2013

Exactly! And they're always smiling at someone behind me.

The terror of these words: "And then later I'll ask everyone to stand up and present their ideas to the room"
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) January 15, 2013

To the last, I don't have to be standing to be terrified.

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Ode to my (old) sunglassies.

[Today's post is brought to you by 2008. Yes, it's that behind schedule. It's also a departure from my usual wordy ones, as there are photo-bombs. And by 'photo-bomb', I mean, bombing this post with photos, and not that other extremely fun thing.]

When I was in Melbourne, I lost my China-bought sunglasses (the damndest thing is that I still don't know how I lost them). I was thinking of only buying a new pair when I returned to Malaysia (due to the currency exchange), but with that late autumn came super-bright sunshine, and my eyes really couldn't take it any more.

[And before you think it, no, it wasn't an excuse to buy me a pair of sunnies from Aussies.]

So I traipsed down to Chadstone (which, in itself, is an achievement on its own because I rarely venture far from where I lived), and I bought myself a pair of Tommy Hilfiger sunglasses.

Yes, that's right. Tommy. Fricken'. Hilfiger.

And the best part was, it had a 30% discount!! Usually I only ever get 10% discounts (because the higher-discounted items all looked shitty to me). Bought them for AUD70, with a rate of 2.5. Not too shabby, eh?

Anyway, these pictures were taken in 2008, and please bear with my pathetic attempts at artsy shots:

If you're wondering what's net 200g, it's Red Rock Deli's Sweet Thai Chili chips. 

Spot the UHU! On the left (also yellow) is PVA glue. Neil Buchanan used it all the time.

Devondale UHT milk. Bought them in packs of six. 

Yes, I'm relatively messy. Being a working adult hasn't changed things one bit.

Last one!

The sad thing is, these sunnies are currently out of commission. I had them hooked onto my collar when getting off the bus on our Italy trip, and they fell off and broke :(

So we officially got to sunnie-hunting in Italy, because the sun was rather bright at the time and I figured, since bloody everyone was splurging on branded goods, why not I? And for far more practical reasons than theirs, too, because everyone else was trying to out-buy each other.

Long story short, we had a sojourn to Switzerland when I spotted sunglasses from Karl Lagerfeld so I totesboughtthemtheend. For the record, the Lagerfeld sunnies was the only branded item I bought on that trip.

My sunnies are in the car and my camera isn't, so I'll post photos of them laterz.

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I hereby proclaim my (unofficial) patronage to Debenhams.

Or at least, Red Herring.

[I do think my posts are more boring when I'm not bitching.]

We rarely ever go to Gurney Paragon, because we're afraid of narrow parking lots and walking isn't my thing. Since Jellybunny opened in Paragon yesterday, my mom and I thought we'd sojourn there today.

Before heading to the store, we stopped by the Godiva chocolate shop. Surprisingly, European premium chocolates really are cheaper than in Malaysia (I'm surprised because I hear European things are more cheap in Europe but so far I've not encountered such things yet), like, by a huge margin.

What's sold in France for EUR4.00 is sold here for MYR32.00.

ACTUAL SIZE.

Similarly, I don't recall their regular chocolate boxes (not truffles) selling for more than MYR200 over there. I'm not able to find the box we bought, though, which is a Special Edition one for Brussels (they have one for London, Paris, Singapore, etc., but I don't know there's one for Malaysia or no). Anyway, we paid EUR17-ish for that one.

So, kids, remember: when you're in Europe and you see a Godiva, you buy those chocolates even though the exchange hurts, because that exchange will hurt far less than not exchanging.

Chocolates aside, we went to Debenhams next. It's my second/third time visiting the place, so I figured I might as well try something on for once.

That 'something' was two dresses, and both fit my bodice like nobody's business. I'm rather big-boned, so dresses either bunch or tighten up at the back (don't get me started on the front), and I end up in a dress that's very obviously one size bigger than it should be (which is why I don't really buy fitted dresses).

These fit me like a glove, up top. And that's a phrase I rarely get to use, because it never happens.

I ended up buying only one, because the other had a slit mid-knee, which is weird when sitting. And it's expensive!! The one I bought retails for MYR245.00 here, whereas Debenhams online tells me that it's GBP35.00. That's like, a MYR100 difference!!

This is the one I didn't buy. You don't notice the slit so much in this picture because of the black stockings, which I don't wear.

So, now I know I can get nice super expensive dresses that fit me well at Debenhams. As unlikely as it is, I'm hoping that they open one in Gurney Plaza.

We finally made it to Jellybunny (it was extremely packed for a tiny shop) where I bought a pair of maroon flats for MYR59.00. Then after that we went back to the Plaza for lunch where I stuffed my face with fried rice and fried cuttlefish.

And... that's my day done. Toldja it'd be boring when I'm not complaining.

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Happy 50th Anniversary, Doctor Who!

I only got to know of Doctor Who because of the yearbook my parents bought at a mega-book sale, like, 15 years ago.

This was mine. Based on the Tardis Wikia, apparently, it was the last one published.

To have BBC is to pay extra, so we don't have BBC and thus, we don't have Doctor Who and Sherlock. I found out about the anniversary from Google, where you can play a mini-game involving five levels, switches and Daleks.

And angels that weep. If that were me, I'd chuck my umbrella at that thing and run through the Dalek horde (off-screen) screaming.

You can choose who to start with (I chose William Hartnell, the first Doctor). On my first try in the above level (above grab is my third attempt), I ended up with the guy after Tom Baker (I can't really remember the names of the guys between Baker and Sylvester McCoy, who I remembered because he looks like Pee-wee Herman on the Yearbook cover). Baker is the Doctor with the scarf (in the bottom left corner).

[And in recent years, he often said, "Britain... Britain... Britain...".]

Took me 11-plus minutes on my first try!

The best part is, it doesn't matter if you die after Matt Smith; you just become the first Doctor again. Yay for circular regeneration!

In continuing with today's stumble-upons (like with the Google), I also found below related video. It's a 19-minute Comic Relief episode starring Rowan Atkinson, Richard E. Grant (*swoon*), Jim Broadbent and Hugh Grant as Doctors, and President Jonathan Pryce as the Master.



Being unfamiliar with Doctor Who, the video impliedly explains that nothing ever gets explained on the show. Oh, well. Enjoy!

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Re-watched Thor 2 last Wednesday...

...and surprisingly, I still enjoyed it.

[Trying to catch up on blog back-log! Back-blog! Argh!]

It hit me that Chris Hemsworth is pretty "steady" (to use a colloquial term), considering that he can hold his own against notorious scene-stealer Tom Hiddleston. I mean, as susceptible as I am to Hiddleston's charm, I realised that I didn't mind seeing Hemsworth at all for the majority of the movie.

[The part where he hangs Miu Miu Mjolnir on a coat hook is just precious!]

And it also hit me why I didn't get sick of the film the second time around: because of the Thor-Loki dynamic, from a non-fan girl standpoint. It makes them so bloody interesting to watch: Thor torn between familial bonds and his adopted brother's constant treachery, and Loki, befitting the other side of the coin, alternating between one-upping his brother and (sometimes!) seeming to do right by him.

Given Loki/Hiddleston's popularity, for profitability reasons it's safe to presume that a Loki spin-off is probably not far off. And as much as I would love to see Loki make mischief in an entire movie, my only misgiving is that I don't think that the spin-off would work.

Not unless the plot calls for Thor to play an active (albeit backseat) role in the film.

Sure, the fans (including myself) would throng the cinemas in droves. And Hiddleston, of course, would be blameless in anything (and, possibly for eternity, everything) he does. But in exploring (and expanding) more of Loki, giving him his own stand-alone adventure may not be as fulfilling as seeing him verbally/physically spar with/alongside his brother.

Take Riddick, fr'instance. I don't get why he's popular, but apparently people liked him so much from Pitch Black that he got his own Chronicles. And after that, it seems that the universe in that series was in cryo-stasis for nine years because we only got the sequel to that this year.

And to be fair, the reverse is the same for Thor. They have this symbiotic relationship with each other in the sense one wouldn't be interesting without the other. Especially with photos like these:

Priceless.

So, here's to hoping that Marvel gives us a fantastic Movie 3, and if there is a spin-off for Loki, here's to hoping that they've found a good storyline for him and that the movie doesn't suck.

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"Are you up all night to get Loki?"

[A very, very short one today.]

My semi-obsession with Tom Hiddleston has been rekindled with Thor 2 (watching it again tomorrow, office Movie Night!), so I'm happy to share this hilarious video from Smosh (I'm sooo glad I'm still subscribed to them!). And yes, they actually got to sit down with the real guy and ask him questions, the lucky doods!



Bonus video below. Enjoy!



And the answer to my post title is, "well, yes. Yes, I am." :)

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Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson's A Memory of Light.

[This review has been with me for a long while now; I wanted to make sure I get all my thoughts down properly. I'm still quite struggling with my Star Trek II review, so double feature (in relation) is off the books for now.]

Reading this book gave me mixed feelings. Part of me is happy that the series has FINALLY come to an end; part of me is sad that the original author, Robert Jordan, didn't live to close it.

Most of all, there wouldn’t be any more WoT books to look forward to, after this.

I won't go into the storyline, because the scope of this entire book is immense. It’s what we expected for Tar’mon Gaidon, and the story doesn't let up, flitting from PoV to PoV like nobody's business, showing us what's going on on every front, with most of it steeped in battles and military maneuvers. It also shows how battles are fought and won in a war like this (all or nothing), and so many things and so much (technological?) progress happen that it almost feels like it's the Age of Legends.

The downside to it is that you don’t stay with each character for long, before you’re brought to another character in another location. This took some getting used to, considering the very one/two character-driven Books 12 (Rand/Egwene) and 13 (Mat/Perrin).

[And also, previous books that had devoted almost entire chapters to Elayne refusing goats’ milk only one character.]

One thing that stood out for me in A Memory of Light was how cinematic the scenes are. Where previous books would be great for iMax (all the detailing), the whole of AMoL seems to be made for a summer movie in general, due to pacing and also action. The beginning was slightly slow, but it was necessary to consolidate and position where everyone is supposed to be for the rest of the book.

The body count does hit an all-time high in this one, with many, many supporting characters and, shockingly, one main character (due to her stupid idiot of her husband!) biting the dust. Given how that doofus had been bungling things up (I don’t know who thought up this bloody stupid plot arc), it was almost a given that her death would soon follow after, but then again, we rarely get deaths told from the dying person’s PoV.

And considering how this character is at the forefront of the series, her written death wasn't all that special. Masema’s death from Book 12 stood out. It gave us an insight to an extremely minor character who, up until that point, used to glare at everyone until he became a fanatical zealot. That entire section was gripping, it made an impression, and it certainly lingered with me long after I've moved onto the rest of the story.

The book also posits a theory to good and evil. We all know how the WoT symbolises balance (male/female Aes Sedai symbol, etc.). The mental battle between Rand (our hero) and the Dark One (the Big Bad of the series) is a fascinating turn of events, where they each show a world without the other. It’s interesting to note that a world without the Dark One would be the same as a world with the Dark One; in the latter, all good had been removed from people, whereas in the former, all evil had been removed from people. Rand realises that good cannot exist without evil, and vice versa, which puts him in a bit of a bind since this is the last book and he needs to defeat the bad guy.

I was most excited to read the final chapter, especially when I found out that Jordan had written the last few scenes of the entire saga, and I was a bit stumped to find that Jordan had only (most likely) written the last bit of very, very last scene, which, though beautifully written and gave me goosebumps, just wasn’t enough.

*and here is where it gets spoilerrific!*

I’m completely okay with how the story turned out; it’s bittersweet, in a good way. I actually dig the idea of Rand riding into the sunset anonymously, him rearing up his horse like Zorro (struck out because I made that up; there are so many scenes in this book that would play out gloriously on film) as the wind rose up and blew the final sentences of the series into place.

It’s only the execution that I have issues with.

I feel that Rand owes it to Nynaeve, to Tam, Moiraine, Loial and all those close to him, to at least personally let them know he’s still alive but incognito. And unrealistically, how can Min and Co., be so outwardly nonchalant (so obvious that everyone notices it) about Rand's "death", and yet hope to hide the fact that Rand is still alive? If this is the actual ending that Jordan envisioned, it’s a crap way that disregards the feelings of all those who had stuck with Rand thick and thin through 14 flippin’ books.

I get Rand’s motivations for wanting some peace for a while. Yes, I can understand him taking a step back from ruling and letting the Power of Threewives run the world. But I can’t understand him just disappearing so without saying thank you and goodbye to all his friends. At least in The Lord of the Rings everyone said their farewells before sailing off in that massive ship.

[I don’t really follow LotR but I know those people were going away for a long, long time.]

I feel that Rand owes them that much.

Plus, switching bodies with Moridin: Nae’blis and all-around head Forsaken? Won’t people panic? Won’t people just go, “Hey, what happened to that guy that was lying next to Rand? Oh, no, he's still alive, he’s going to release the Dark One again!"

I don’t know whether Jordan is to blame for this final plot development, or whether it’s something Sanderson and Team Jordan (people in charge of editing and continuity) worked out because they were running out of time / pages and just wanted to get it over with. This whole resolution just doesn't gel well with me.

I'm not going to harp on my usual quibble with all books post-Jordan. I appreciate that Sanderson cuts to the chase (instead of describing every single bloody thing to the minutest detail until you lose track of what you’re supposed to be reading about in the first place), but I’m surprised that Team Jordan wasn’t able to eke out all those inconsistencies in Sanderson’s narrative style and language.

[Mind I said ‘narrative’ instead of ‘writing’. That’s how I knew that Jordan hadn’t written the final PoV. Too many contractions; Jordan very rarely (so rare it’s almost ‘never’) uses contractions in narratives; only in dialogue and in thoughts.]

Plus, there was even a ‘Yeah’ in the book (either from Egwene or Elayne), a word which does not exist in their lexicon. Considering the fact that I’ve skimmed through Books 8-10 (up till now, I'm of the impression that the only significant thing to happen is the Cleansing, in Book 9), I should not be noticing details like this.

There were also some loose ends (what bloody happened to Gaul? And did Juilin Sandar die?!) but all in all, it was a pretty satisfying ending to a saga that's been an integral part of my life, even though I came late to the series.

Jordan said he envisioned and wrote the ending at the very start of the series, and you can just tell that the final paragraphs of the book are definitely his. I'll end my post with his words:

========

The wind rose high and free, to soar in an open sky with no clouds. It passed over a broken landscape scattered with corpses not yet buried. A landscape covered, at the same time, with celebrations. It tickled the branches of trees that had finally begun to put forth buds.

The wind blew southward, through knotted forests, over shimmering plains and toward lands unexplored.

This wind, it was not the ending. There are no endings, and never will be endings, to the turning of the Wheel of Time.

But it was an ending.

========

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Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

[Took two days off, and now I will post double tonight. Whee!]

I saw this movie again on the flight to Frankfurt, and as a bonus, I also saw Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan!

Wrath of Khan was actually the reason why I went to see STID. I didn't really buy into the reboot bandwagon, though I did appreciate the ingenuity of the timesplit.

As a recap, these young Starfleet officers are coexisting alongside the people from the original series, albeit in different realities, as affected by the events at the start of the first movie. This means that with the alternative continuity, the writers are allowed poetic license to use the source material, but add little twists and turns of their own (which I admit, made me enjoy this movie). The critics then can’t say that this is yet another attempt at outright blind copying, and the judgmental and fickle core audience can’t cry blasphemy because canon in fact is preserved.

Using science fiction against science fiction? Now that is brilliant.

*is spoiler warning necessary?* *plus, KHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!*

STID, thankfully, is much faster-paced and action-packed than its predecessor. The movie makes plenty of nods to the original series, from the eventual fates of our heroes (Sulu on the Captain’s chair), to the infamous, “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”, but sci-fi homages contribute only so much, and one thing I like about the new movies so far is that it's more 'ensemble' compared to the original and Next Generation movies; it kind of gives most (if not) of everyone their turn in the spotlight.

And this is where the movie shines, particularly when both Kirk and Spock are concerned, even though Kirk is still the stereotypical reckless-dick-who-endangers-everyone-with-recklessness (honestly, this shtick is currently so overused). Kirk gradually grows into responsibility, Spock gradually grows into emotionality (if that's actually a word), and I grew to like Benedict Cumberbatch (whom I've heard of, but not familiar with) by the end of this film.

Despite the very evident whitewashing (Khan looks even less Indian now than Ricardo Montalban ever did), Cumberbatch stole every scene he's in, even if he's just sitting back-ramrod straight in the background. His performance, coupled with the alternative continuity, also creates an ambiguity to the character: does he still want to take over the world at present time, or is he just majorly pissed that his crew is held ransom by RoboCopPeter Weller and doesn't mind killing other people while at it?

Cumberbatch aside, I thought the whole cast was fantastic, especially Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto, who play Kirk and Spock respectively. The storyline was pretty good, too, although I don't see how did Bones and/or others arm 72 torpedoes simultaneously, and time it exactly to blow up when it beams onto Khan's ship. I know Spock is all logic, but wasn't the timer set to 40 seconds? What if Khan suspects something's amiss and delays beaming the torps up?

Boom.

The movie also plays it safe with the story, comparing the big sacrifice that Spock makes in the end of Wrath of Khan. Being the sap that I am, I'm all for happy endings, but it's a bit ridiculous how they don't even execute Khan for all the death he has caused.

Oh, no. They just put him back into cryogenic sleep.

[And as such, it would be totally neat to see him go against the Borg, however implausible. Mind you, in Wrath of Khan, Khan is seeking revenge against Kirk, whereas in this one, they’ve only met for the first time. Does this mean that we can expect to see Khan again in a future instalment?]

But nevermind. As a surface Trekkie, I completely enjoyed Star Trek Into Darkness, and I certainly wouldn't mind watching it a second time again, given the extremely strong cast. And if you haven't seen or heard of Honest Trailers, check out what they did for STID:



Fun fact: I saw the Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters trailer (which, I shudder to say, looked good to me), and thought I spotted Jason Bateman in it. It was actually Nathan Fillion.

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Jack The Giant Slayer (2013)

[Very short one today. Read on to find out why; it'll take you less than five.]

*very duper over-due*

I enjoyed this movie more than Oz: The Great and Powerful, though that enjoyment isn't helping me with this post right now. It was a bit slow in the beginning, and a lot less Technicolor-y but it wasn't as 'blah'.

[Unimaginative writing, I know, to rely on spelling out sounds rather than using actual words.]

But it all got VERY FUN in the second-half when the Giants rode the beanstalks down to Earth and started attacking people.

Another entry in the fairy tale variation genre, Jack seems more targeted for the kiddies as it's not as violent as Hansel and Gretel. There's also a love story somewhere in there that I didn't really care for (the girl can't act), but I enjoyed everyone else's performances. I also especially enjoyed Ewan McGregor and (an unrecognisable) Stanley Tucci, who play noble knight and metaphorically moustache-twirling villain respectively.

I always get a kick out of seeing actors having a blast on-screen (and I mean, actual blast, not acting blast). You can always tell with these things).

Aside from that, the CG for the Giants were a bit cartoon-y at times, though Bill Nighy as King Giant delivers yet another vocal performance that sounds like he's having a ton of fun, and... that sums up my impressions of the film. Even immediately after I saw the movie I didn't have much to write about, and since it's now eight months later, I think I'm worst off than I was in the first place.

I'll check it out when it airs on TV next year and hopefully I can add more to it.

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Richard Clayderman!!

[I took crappy quality grainy photos of Richard Clayderman on my stupid phone and now I can't find them.]

Went to Richard Clayderman's Romantique concert at Straits Quay yesterday!!

Surprisingly, so many people showed up! I mean, I don't mean there wouldn't be any takers; I just didn't think there'd be that many in Penang.

It's been a very, very long time since I've been to a piano recital, and I was super-pumped because I grew up with Clayderman. When I was younger, we used to drive back and forth from KL and my parents would play him on relative repeat on the car radio for four-plus hours.

Given that I didn't spot anyone when I was in London disappointed, I was psyched to see someone famous, that I've known since I was a child, in the flesh.

And that someone was half an hour late.

Dinner was at Dome (one of the cheapest, and not cheap also, at that), and half of the patrons were going to the concert. In brief, we rushed to pay the bill (because they were extremely short-handed), rushed to the bathroom, rushed upstairs, and the concert didn't start until 9pm.

[I told my mom, "When in Rome, do as Romans do. When in Malaysia, be as late as Malaysians are.]

When he came in, though, all was forgiven and everyone clapped and cheered. Since this is not a pop/rock concert, the cheering and wooo-ing were kept to a minimum. There's also the obligatory audience bantering, which, to his credit, was quite hilarious.

[In his introductory speech, he said his English isn't very good, and spoke really, really fast French before ending it with "terima kasih". His best has to be the one announcing the intermission.]

The silly playbook didn't give a setlist, only four forewords (really) by the organiser's partners and biographies on the orchestra players. This is beside the fact that the usage of English in the playbook is sometimes wrong.

Anyway, here's a (rough) list of the pieces played that night. Brackets are the position/order of the pieces, could number more than 15.

1. Ballade pour Adeline (#2)
2. Love Story (sooo not Taylor Swift) (#3)
3. Beethoven's 5th Symphony - variation (#4)
4. there's an extended timpani-like percussion solo by his drummer somewhere at this point
5. Montagues and Capulets (#6)
6. You Raise Me Up (#7)
7. Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue variation - this one was good! (#8)
8. Spartacus - this happened in the second half, but I can't recall which piece it came after (#9)
9. Titanic Symphony (#10)
10. Medley - Evita, Chariots of Fire, among others (#11)
11. a mamba/rhumba-type number - my mom says it's very nightclub-y (#12)
12. I Dreamed a Dream - Les Miz medley (#13)
13. West Side Story medley (#14)
14. Tribute to Stevie Wonder - which led me to wonder whether Wonder had passed on (just checked: he's still around) and if not, why Stevie and not someone else (#15).

The good ones (#1 and #5) are the only ones I can't find on YouTube. A little help here, please? Though a great load would not go unappreciated :D

And he also bloody gave away SHEET MUSIC!!! The first time he went to the front of the stage waving it, I thought he was kidding but he handed it to this lady sitting some rows from the front. As the show went on, people rushed to the front, so much so that in the second half, children ran up onto the stage proper and snatched it right from his hands!

Also, this very smart girl (not me) used this time to get his autograph. She even got a hug, the lucky kid!

Since we started late, we finished at 10.45pm (i.e., late). During the (quite short) encores, it was almost like a rock concert. People were huddling towards the front of the convention room, holding up their phones, recording the entire thing, never mind that three-quarters of the audience were still seated at the back.

I'll include a photo of the playbook when I get the chance.

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Coulson LIVES!!

But then again, Internet, this is old news. To chocolate fudge with spoiler warnings.

[Day 9. On track.]

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. made its way to our shores yesterday night. After looking forward to it for almost two weeks (because that was when I saw the commercial), I completely forgot about the show until my mother said, "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is up next."

[In response, I ran out of the room and left one slipper behind.]

With The Avengers, I learned to have faith in Joss Whedon (I'm unfamiliar with his stuff, even though it's famous), but I didn't have too high a hope in a series that looks like a rehash of Heroes or Mutant X.

And after seeing the pilot, I'm not far off, really. The only things that stood out for me were:

• Agent Coulson
• name-dropping and references from Marvel films like nobody's business. Continuity and Extremis for the win!
• the abundance of humour. I was pleasantly surprised by this, though I shouldn't be, given the LOL-fest that was The Avengers.
• less impending doom, which differentiates it from Heroes (not that I don't like impending doom), and
• AGENT COULSON.

Anyone who says they watch this show for reasons other than Clark Gregg are totally lying.

Aside from the very interesting nugget slipped in at the start of the episode (apparently, Coulson "must never know" he was not recuperating in Tahiti), the rest of the pilot didn't exactly make me a believer. The show format looks to be mutant-of-the-week, and the characters are formulaic: you have the straight guy (Ward), the revered legend (Melinda May), the outsider-cum-new recruit (Skye), and the comic relief techie pair (Fitz-Simmons, whom you can also see in NCIS: Los Angeles).

Because of Agent Phil Coulson (and the possibility of other 'special guest stars' in future episodes), I will stay tuned. So there. Here's to hoping the rest of the season piques my interest.

[Tomorrow's post: OMG I JUST SAW RICHARD CLAYDERMAN LIVE IN CONCERT!!11!!1ONE.]

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Oh, to be young...

...and to dress like you're forty. Well, thirty, more like; not even the forty year-olds dress like they're forty. But more on that in a bit.

["And on the seventh day...", this little Piggie roamed far from home and upon returning, was utterly pooped in a way that did not inspire wit. She then watched American Dad! before retiring. This is Day 8.]

I go to the mall a lot (actually, I go to the same mall a lot), and one thing I've noticed is that young girls tend to dress older than they really are. May they be 12, 10, or even six, they, or rather, their parents, dress them up like little streetwalkers tarts.

Some even put make-up on their children. As if dressing them in halters, minis, or hot pants isn't enough, they have to plug up all their pores up as well.

[And these kids eventually grow up to have perfect complexion. Sins of the parents, my ass.]

And it's not only children who are affected. Teenagers (though in this instance I can't blame their parents anymore) below 18 dress as if they're in their 20s or 30s.

I don't get it, this rush to look older than you actually are. I mean, it's not like you won't get there if you don't make an effort. I could sleep for twenty years and I'd still get there, and for far less effort, too.

The lure of adulthood is certainly present. You have the get-out-of-school card, finally high-tailing it out of your parents', the getting-paid schtick, and according to Pitbull and every other rapper, the badonkadonk part...

I know I felt the same way (not about donks, though), when I was smaller. I couldn't wait to finish high school, go to college, go to university... and that's about it. Seems back then my inclinations were more academic than anything else, but hey, a PhD's bar none, right?

But I really don't see the big deal (nor compliment) in achieving maturity, fiscal or otherwise, especially for one so young.

For one thing, being mature means being financially secure, buying your own house, your own car, etc. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not born rich. If I buy a house or a car, I'll need to get a loan, and with a loan, there'll be interest, which leads to additional expenses on my part. Why bother with all of that when you can stay at your parents', use their car, and in turn get free room, board and transportation? The older you get, the more pressure you'll feel to move out and start a life full of responsibilities (read: doing everything) on your own.

Also, the older you get, the flabbier you become, and the more everything starts to droop. Yes, droop.

"There's cosmetic surgery!" you might say. Yeah. Even if you put in collagen or botox or butt fat in your lips and face, it still won't be as good as when your face isn't losing the war with gravity. And with work done, in the end your entire face is gonna be puffed up like a balloon, and it will stay puffed up, because without all that synthetic material / air, every malleable bit of skin on your face is making a beeline south of the border.

That's why we see many aunties with tightly-taut faces, full lips only achievable by some form of pumping, and beady cat-eyes.

In the few moments where I'm interested enough in the human condition to observe my surroundings, I find it ironic to see 14 year-old girls dress and look 10 years-older, and on the other side, 41 year-old women dress 20 years-younger.

Case in point: there's this lady I always see in Gurney Plaza, probably forty-ish, judging by the work done on her face. In comparison, she's like an over-done Meg Ryan. She's usually in six-inch heels, tight jeans, low-cut top, blacked hair. That may sound okay to you so far, because I haven't yet thrown in the swollen lips, generous cleavage (too much for a woman her age!) and muffin-top.

I also haven't thrown in her son yet, whom she's generally out and about with. If not for the fact that he was quite pointedly ignoring her (and seem rather disgruntled that he's hanging out with a parent rather than with people his own age), I would've thought that she was a cougar and he was her lover-boy.

But no. I know that they're family (and not... ya know... ew) because I've seen her husband. He doesn't look too old, but I have no complaints about the way he looks.

[I digress.]

Being older means having to settle down and start a family. I don't profess to have an active social life (it's not even passive, either), but I'm too busy enjoying life and work (yes, work!) and time itself to worry about and having to care for others. I've seen people get married, and having to juggle work and love life and marriage so that they won't be too old to give birth. Ugh. I've seen them wanting to be more work-inclined (deadlines, etc.), but only narrowly deliver because F A M I L Y.

But I'm veering off-track here; marriage and family will be discussed in another post.

The point is, these days, kids are maturing faster and adults are regressing faster. Myself, I've always dressed in a T-shirt and jeans, and I have China doll hair because there will be a time when my face and/or body won't be able to match what it is I want to wear. My point is that people should dress their age, and for those older (and hopefully wiser) than us, please wear something age-appropriate.

I don't want to have to see your stomach flabs and stretch-marked torso while I'm eating thankyou.

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Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

[Short one today, since I was out cold in the afternoon and was out for dinner the whole night. Written from scratch, though, so I'm no less proud of myself. Also x-posted an edited and more review-like version for Thor 2.]

Saw this on TV the other day.

This movie opted for more gritty and serious look, which worked with the darker tone that I guess everyone was clamouring for when the first one came out. Unfortunately, instead of coming up with an original storyline, what we get is Drive Angry, which incidentally also stars Nicolas Cage. Let's review the similarities:

Ghost Rider | Inmate from Hell tries to save child | granddaughter from the Devil himself | Devil worshippers, with Blackout | William Fichtner hot on his trail. Both heroes are triumphant in the end, although in Drive Angry, Nic Cage had to go back to Hell.

Recycled material aside, Ghost Rider 2 seems to have retconned his abilities (in the last one he could activate his Penance Stare at will, whereas in this one he can't control it) and, well, erased the first movie from continuity. It's also less campy and colourful than the first outing, with the action more raw and frenetic, but with the lack of lighting (the Rider only comes out at night or when there's darkness), I wasn't exactly able to discern much of the action.

[The scene where the construction equipment turn fiery skeletal should be quite cool.]

Change in tone aside (which I'm perfectly fine with), Cage still finds a way to laugh maniacally at some point in the movie (I get it now that it's his schtick). Besides that, I have no complaints with everyone else.

It's a shame, though, that the story is very 'meh', as this movie explores Johnny's (the Ghost Rider's alter ego) struggles with being the Rider, how the Rider entity came to be, and in the end, Johnny comes to terms with himself as kind of an archangel for good and tames the Rider (in a pretty cool closing scene, his motorcycle now gives off electric blue flames instead of regular fire).

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Thor: The Dark World (2013)

[Do you know what day today is? It's Tho- okay you know what, this intro would work better if it were Thursday instead of Friday.]

It's not summer yet, but Thor 2 is already out, for those of you (and me) who think that one year between Marvel movies is too long. Since this post is actually on time (watched it today!), I kinda feel obliged to give a brief synopsis of the film and to capitalize SPOILER WARNING:

Set shortly post-Avengers (timeline from Thor is two years), Jane stumbles upon and accidentally absorbs the MacGuffinAether, an energy that can convert matter into dark matter. It is also something required by the Dark Elves, who want to devoid the entire universe of light (both literally and figuratively), and the process can only be completed during the Convergence of all nine Realms (which, of course, happens to be now). Thor, who has been on peace campaigns in other Realms, whisks Jane back to Asgard to find a way to rid her of the Aether.

After the Elves attack Asgard (resulting in a poignantly beautiful funeral sequence focused in sending off a character that was only in the first movie for roughly five minutes), Odin locks down Asgard, leading Thor to again whisk Jane away for a cure but this time with the help of Loki, who makes good on his, “there are secret ways into Asgard that even you, with your all-seeing eye, do not even know of, etc.,” line from the first movie.

[I can’t believe I actually remembered that line. EDIT: I only remembered a variation of said line. My bad.]

Even so, the Elves still manage to retrieve the Aether (after an interesting turn of events where Loki is thought to have betrayed Thor in a brutally cool scene), and Loki is stabbed after trying to save Thor. Thor and Jane are stranded, but as the Convergence approaches, the boundaries between the Realms blur conveniently and they make their way back to Earth to prevent the Elves from succeeding in their quest. Long story short (“too late!”), they do succeed with very cool wormhole teleportation and CGI, and Thor returns to Asgard to tell his father about Loki’s sacrifice and that he cannot ascend the throne (not because of Jane, but because he can better serve as protector and peacekeeper to the Nine Realms).

And it doesn't end there; what happens next is simply brilliant and I’m very, very much looking forward to the next installment. I don’t want to spoil it, but I can’t refrain myself from typing it out either. It’s in black font just right below, so if you really wanna know, highlight away:

[Earlier scenes hint at Loki’s undeath, and in the last scene of the film, after Thor leaves Odin’s presence, we find out that (Anthony) Hopkins is actually Hiddles shape-shifted, and he’s on the throne on Asgard.]

Like The Avengers, the Phase II-related end-credits scene comes midway. I’ve never even heard of Guardians Of The Galaxy until they announced the movie, so what I can only say is that Benicio del Toro (at least, I think it’s him) is in it. There’s a short scene at the very end of the credits, but it’s, like, 10 seconds long and it’s shwarma-like so it’s skippable. I’ve described the scene (to the best of my recollection) in black font, so if you’re curious...:

[Scene begins with Jane in her apartment (that she shares with Erik, Darcy, etc.), and a rumbling in the sky leads her to the window, where a flash of light is reflected on the window pane. Camera pans to the loft/roof, Jane runs to where the Bifrost light is, Thor appears, and they kiss. Next scene shows the creature from Jotunheim that fell through a Convergence portal to our world chasing ravens. LOL.]

Chris Hemsworth can do no wrong in my book (no, not even Snow White And The Huntsman), and he’s able to project the kind of maturity and wisdom that would be expected from Thor (after all, Thor has been in two Marvel films already). There’s less of that good-natured big baby adorableness, though, since much of it happens on his home turf. And as expected, Tom Hiddleston (as Loki) steals every scene he’s in. Adding to my burgeoning interest in the character (you can never go wrong with the God of Mischief), the film explores another facet to Loki by including scenes with his adoptive mother, Frigga (played by Rene Russo). Apparently, there were supposed to be scenes of Hiddleston and Russo in Thor (Frigga’s favourite is Loki, it seems!, but they weren’t included in the final cut, so I’m really glad we got to see this in Thor 2.

Previously, what we’ve seen between Thor and Loki is rage and disgruntlement (more on Loki’s side), but in this movie Loki seems to have resigned himself to taunting/teasing Thor when they’re together, and this leads to very funny exchanges between Hemsworth and Hiddleston. It is also these scenes (humourous or otherwise) where both Hemsworth and Hiddleston shine, as there's always that parry-and-thrust relationship between them. One sequence, which isn’t plot-related but is hilarious enough to detract from that fact, has Loki pranking Thor to look like the Lady Sif at one point (still with Hemworth’s voice) and shape-shifting himself into various characters (including an Avenger!).

This is why I’m such a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: aside from continuity, you’d get a surprise-cameo from an Avenger in each film. DC, please take note.

Again, a few minutes of seeing Asgard and I think to myself that I should’ve seen this in 3D (although, post-conversion movies tend to be no different than regular-D). Thankfully, in Asgard and some of the Nine Realms (and not Earth/Midgard; at least the scenes on Earth without Thor weren’t too long) are where much of the action is, so it would be more worth the 3D ticket price than the first film. More space is good. Green Lantern, if you get a sequel, please take note.

Apart from the funeral send-off, props also go to the scene where Heimdall (played by Idris Elba) takes out a cloaked Dark-Elf ship, only to have the mother ship rise up behind him and launching a few more smaller ships towards Asgard.

Thor suggests that science was mistaken by the ancients for mythology; Thor 2 confirms it in the opening scene (which occurs immediately after The Avengers), where Odin rebukes Loki for thinking that they are Gods. But what I don’t get is Loki and Frigga’s abilities with shape-shifting and astral/holographic projections. If they are not Gods nor supernatural creatures, (they’re not even blood kin), how is it they have these abilities that are only unique to them and not other Asgardians? It’s no secret that Loki has these abilities, and you’d think that the technology would’ve been requisitioned by Odin or his warmasters already.

Anyway, overall, Thor: The Dark World is a fantastic next step in Phase II, and I'm quite surprised to see it released in November (not that I'm complaining). Can't wait to see what comes next for our Norse Gods-cum-aliens.

Special shout-out to the end credits; I love this kind of shade art-like style. And also another shout-out to mini black-hole generator bombs. The geek in me got goosebumps with that.

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R.I.P.D. (2013)

[So far, so good.]

I'd initially planned to do a 'spoiler beware' smart ass-type thing involving food, but since this review is super late (but not too dead ha!) on arrival, it would be quite redundant at this point.

Anyway, the minute I saw Kevin Bacon, I knew Ryan Reynolds would be betrayed by someone (in this case, his partner) and that betrayal would lead to his death.

What I didn't see coming, was that Kevin Bacon was already a Deadite in the first place.

[I can't recall the term used, if any.]

R.I.P.D. is a watchdog department for the undead, policing the human world to keep ghosts and ghouls in check. Upon dying, Reynolds joins Jeff Bridges as his partner, and to ensure that the living don't see dead policemen walking around, they're given avatars, the form that everyone else sees them in. For Reynolds, it's an old Chinese guy (James Hong ftw!); for Bridges, it's this totally hot leggy blonde chick.

It's not before long our intrepid officers discover that the undead are in the process of assembling this totem that would reverse the flow of spirit traffic into the afterlife (which literally would lead to hell on Earth, if reversal happened at the point all evil people are passing on).

And of course, who should be the ringleader of the gang but Bacon.

This movie is like Men In Black, except you substitute aliens with ghouls and reverse the roles: the rookie this time is the straight man and the one with all the mouth is the old-timer. Seems to me these days, Reynolds tends to play the straight man to whatever foil that's thrown at him in movies (Bridges, Lantern ring, Sandra Bullock), which I find strange because Reynolds was the witty, sarcastic, hilarious foil to Richard Ruccolo's straight man in Two Guys And A Girl and the poor, forgotten pizza place.

Looks like he matured himself into movies... geddit? Har dee har har.

The only things that saved this movie from utter blandness are Bridges laying the Southern on thick as a US Marshall from the actual old West (he's so over-doing it that it's not over-acting, it's stealing the show), Bacon being the bad guy as usual (and looking like he was having a ton of fun at it) and how the general public perceives our two leads (one brilliant scene was Bridges hefting up a chest of gold on his shoulder, other hand on hips, and it flashes over to the leggy blonde in that same pose!). Personally, I feel that there should've been more 'old Chinese guy', because seeing Hong running down the street waving a banana (a gun, in reality) is simply priceless.

Ah, James Hong. I don't think I'll ever, ever tire of watching him. [Balls of Fury!]

To be fair, though, I never thought of this movie as an MiB semi-clone until I read reviews in the papers saying such. And despite the general consensus that it sucked, I quite enjoyed it.

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Journey To The West: Conquering The Demons (2013)

[Yesterday's post took me 3.5 hours to finish, discounting other coinciding internet activity. Let's hope that I can replicate last night's effort in far less time; otherwise I won't have enough sleep tonight.]

I re-watched this movie on the flight to Frankfurt, so I was able to refresh myself and fine-tune my opinions.

*spoilers*

On my initial watch when it was released (March, I think), I felt that the love story was contrived. After all, the monk hadn't shown much interest in the bounty-hunter chick, and until the point she died I thought that he may only have the slightest bit of feelings for her, and I wasn't exactly sure whether he said he loved her because he really felt that way about her, or that she was dying and he didn't want to make her feel worse.

Well, in the airplane version, they kissed.

That's right, folks, the monk kissed the dead bounty-hunter chick. That wasn't in the Malaysian release, because here, censors censor everything, unless it's blue peen; then the practice is different. They censor it the first few times, then forget to censor it for the rest of the movie.

Digressing, now I'm sure that he loved her, but still feel that the build-up wasn't enough. It did help, though, that I got to watch the original Mandarin release this time (we only had the Cantonese dub in Malaysia).

Anyway, the love story was the only thing that didn't gel well with me; I enjoyed the rest of the movie.

For the uninitiated, Journey to the West is a Chinese novel revolving around Xuanzhang (a Buddhist monk), who is instructed by the Goddess Guanyin to travel to India to obtain sutras. Interesting times abound with evil demons and other spirits, as Xuanzhang's flesh is believed to grant immortality to its eater. Since India is quite a ways from China, as protection, he is given four disciples of demon/spirit origin (in atonement for their sins). The most famous disciple is the Monkey King, whose mischief and bestial nature is controlled by the gold circlet/headband on his head, which Xuanzhang can tighten by chanting mantras. Anyway, since this post is meant to be a movie review, you can read up the Wikipedia summary here.

This movie is a prequel of sorts. It starts by portraying our monk as a demon-rehabilitator (I know that's not a word but you get what it means) that reads from a book called the 300 Nursery Rhymes, asking them to repent and be good. Throughout the film he encounters briefly the demons that will be his disciples and companions to the West (sadly, the Dragon of a white horse did not get love in this one), and romance (the one I was talking about earlier) where the girl did all the chasing.

Since Stephen Chow (the film's director/writer/producer) was the Monkey King himself in TWO movies (A Chinese Odyssey: Parts 1 and 2 from the 90's), I was very interested to see where he would go with this, since it's been a very long while since we heard from him (CJ7 doesn't count). The man himself didn't make an appearance in the movie, but his trademark humour–slapstick, ridiculously impossible situations (that words simply can't do justice) and various wordplay dialogue ("important" to "impotent")–was everywhere. It sounds just as funny in Mandarin as it did in Cantonese (since I don't really understand both), but I get now why we got the Cantonese version: the movie borrows some lines from A Chinese Odyssey, which is fully in Cantonese. Even the song used for the dance in the moonlight is from A Chinese Odyssey (albeit it's in Mandarin now).

Silly humour and ineffective romance aside, I do applaud the plot development. Being a prequel, it shows Xuanzhang's journey (see what I did there?) in finding himself, and how Sandy (water demon in this one) and Pigsy (the pig demon with the inn) are captured and eventually made disciples to Xuanzhang. Also saving the best (or most footage) for last, Xuanzhang seeks Monkey's help in defeating Pigsy, and is eventually tricked by Monkey into destroying the lotus flower acting as his prison seal (it's complicated), which culminates into a showdown between Monkey and some demon hunters before being subdued by Buddha.

In the process, Xuanzhang attains enlightenment with the death of the bounty-hunter chick (played by Shu Qi, who has come far from her annoying Storm Riders days), and discovers that true love (contrary to his belief) would not pose any hindrance to his monkly duties.

Oh, and in this installment, Xuanzhang becomes bald (like how a monk would be) because an enraged Monkey pulls all his hair out when Xuanzhang refuses to stop praying to Buddha. Xuanzhang actually has a thick set of hair (so thick it's a wig) through most of the film.

Do watch this movie, if you get the chance. You can appreciate the wordplay better if you understand Mandarin/Cantonese, but the English subtitles were up to par (like those for Kung Fu Hustle). You don't miss much either way.

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Iron Man 3 (2013)

[In this continuing series, yours truly will attempt to post at least one substantial... thing... per day. This is Day 1 (because the announcement day doesn't count.]

This isn't so much a belated review as it is a belated rant.

Iron Man 3 was mediocre, though it was better than Part Deux (not saying much, is it?). Some slow moments were surprisingly not draggy (kid didn't annoy me), some ridiculous (on second thought) moments seemed cool (Pepper getting Extremis? Ha! ha!), and it passingly acknowledged that the Avengers exist when a small child asked Tony how he got out of the wormhole. Plot niggles aside, in a nutshell it wasn't as 'meh' as I'd expected, but neither did it meet expectations.

All because of the twist.

In the comics, the Mandarin was Iron Man's arch-nemesis, and he has ten magical rings, each with their own special power. Modelled after Fu Manchu (long robes, slit-eyes, goatee, long pointy fingernails), conceptually it may sound silly but the Mandarin often gave Tony a run for his money, simply because he was intellectually at par (or better!) with Tony and he was ruthless enough to carry out his evil deeds.

In short, he was to Tony what Lex Luthor is to Superman. What the Joker is to Batman.

So I was excited when I found out that the Mandarin will finally make an appearance in the third Iron Man movie. And when initial casting news said that Andy Lau will be playing a Chinese doctor/scientist, I got even more excited. I mean, you can't be having Andy Lau play a random doctor for five seconds, there's gotta be some kind of pay-off, right?

Even after Lau was re-cast, I still held out hope that there will be a twist somewhere involving the Mandarin, and then I would have self-bragging rights (because really, who would believe me?) that I was right about Ben Kingsley not being the real Mandarin.

Boy, was I hella wrong. And not in a good way.

In the movie, the Mandarin is just a "concept" created by the real villain, who doesn't even have rings. Apparently, the makers found it fit to degrade the Ultimate Mandarin into a complete and utter fake (by that I don't even mean that it's a pseudonym or anything like that), opting instead for fan-service instead of fan-tribute. I'm referring to the scene where Guy Pearce, with Chinese dragons all over his chest (like, whut?), yells that he's the Mandarin.

Pace-wise, it's out of sync. Guy Pearce waited until he and Tony were in the midst of the boss-fight, before declaring that he's the Mandarin. It's like an ad-lib, except that it'd be an insult to Guy Pearce's ad-libbing skills because I think he can come up with something far, far better than plain ol' simple, "I am the Mandarin!".

And it feels like a last minute dialogue decision. If you're looking to combine characters, you do that so that the new character becomes more awesome, not the other way around. Like Movie Whiplash, fr'instance. He's combined with the Crimson Dynamo, but no one seems to care (at least, I didn't) because Mickey Rourke was totally bad-ass. The Grand Prix sequence, with the two electrical whips rending cars in two? Bad- and ass.

With this movie, the writers didn't really give Guy Pearce the chance to be a yellow-faced be-ringed Extremis-ed bad-ass. He's just a glowing dude with random black Oriental dragons all over his chest that can breathe fire. (wow I just realised symbolism.)

Why, then, would you even use the Mandarin as a character in the movie the first place?

I read an interview with the director that the makers chose this direction with the Mandarin because they didn't want to perpetuate the Fu Manchu stereotype.

What bollocks.

If you can 'update' Jarvis and make him an omnipresent computer system (on paper, he's a very human butler), you can certainly update the Mandarin to be a Chinese businessman in an Armani suit with a penchant for the occult (read: rings), and if needed, he can command an army full of Chinese men and stuff.

[Personally, I don't think Hollywood gives a Fu about Fu; all they care about is getting past Chinese censors.]

And please don't get me wrong, I'm not crying fan-boy foul here. I'm just pissed that after two Iron Man movies with hardly any action, with Robert Downey Jr saving each film by the skin of his sarcastic teeth...

*exhale*

As an audience, we expect a lot from third movies, despite being continuously disappointed time and again. Iron Man 3 may overall be better than similar past outings, but then again, my definition of "going out with a bang" does not consist of 42 Mark Suits blowing up into fireworks at the same time.

That scene was so pointless.

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Post-hiatus (that's right!) ramblings, and general update.

Hello, dear, dear reader!

Okay, first off, I'm pretty much a headcase at the moment.

I mean, this post is short not for artistic reasons. I've always prided myself in being able to write whenever, and currently I am lacking inspiration, with very minimal impression of the movies I've seen during the summer (I'm not referring to procrastination here; I can't articulate let alone write a damn thing minutes after I've left the theatre).

Movies used to be the easiest to write about. My brain seems to go into shutdown whenever I'm not at work, and doesn't want to translate anything into type.

So what this post is for, really, if not to make more excuses and at least, try to fathom what is bloody wrong with me.

Hence, awesome reader (if you're still with me), I'm gonna force myself to write. Starting tomorrow, I will multi-browser window less, focus on banging out just one topic (in hopes that I can get the rusty cogs of creativity to roll smoothly again), and I aim to at least PUBLISH ONE POST A DAY.

YES.

ONE PER DAY.

EVEN IF I HAVE TO FORCE-POOP IT OUT.

That (and work) aside, this is what I've been up to:

1. Volunteering as a proofreader with Distributed Proofreaders.
   Project Gutenberg is an online archiving initiative to turn copyright-expired books (read: really old books) into free ebooks for download to the general public. Newbies start off at P1 (most basic) and progress through two higher rounds of proofreading before going to formatting.
   There's something rather addictive in comparing scanned texts with typeface (proofreading has no need for HTML tags), so if you're interested, please check out the above very-first link.
   
   
2. Playing Teacher Story. Pixellated characters get me.
   
   
3. Other online activities include YouTubing for Honest Trailers and Everything Wrong With [Movie Title], and going on PerezHilton.com and Tom Hiddleston's Twitter. I'm lucky Benedict Cumberbatch doesn't have Twitter.
   
   
4. Went on an eight-day packaged tour in Europe last two weeks. And no, I haven't forgotten that I have a five-year old Australian and a two-year old French-Swiss-Italian mix in the wings.

Phew. My post for the day. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go prep for tomorrow.

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Oz: The Great And Powerful (2013)

*duper overdue. humbug.*

I think I may have been spoiled by Wicked.

Like this one, Wicked is also an unofficial prequel to The Wizard Of Oz, but centred on the Wicked Witch of the West, portraying her as misunderstood and a victim of circumstance, rather than the straightforward villain we're all familiar with. It's an extremely interesting and completely different take on how events unfolded prior to the arrival of Dorothy Gale, with many hints and better foreshadowings connecting both prequel and original story together. It's the musical I'm referring to here (because I haven't gotten around to reading the book yet).

Oz: The Great And Powerful follows the beaten track more closely than Wicked did, and maybe that's why I found it ultimately unimpressionable. It's a gorgeous movie, it looks simply magical, but in some way, and I don't know how else to describe this, it's a bit hollow, also.

I mean, I had gotten more goosebumps seeing Fiyero get carried off into the cornfields (subtlety FTW!) than I did seeing reanimated scarecrows going through poppy fields.

It starts off with Oscar "Oz" Diggs, carnie magician and sweet-talking womaniser, making a getaway from some other angry carnies in a hot air balloon that flies directly into a cyclone. Transitioning from the black-and-white of our world to the contrasting and brilliant Technicolor of Oz, Oz (the human) is heralded as the chosen one who will save Oz from the Wicked Witch. If you've seen the trailer, you'd know who the villain is before you even start this film.

Oz with his magic tricks, inadvertently leads the people to believe that he is a wizard and bungles things up to no end, but redeems himself with 'prestidigitation' (yeah, I had to look it up too) in the final act and drives the villains away.

To me, evil witch or no, Oz (the land) was far better off before having the misfortune of a conman land on their doorstep.

There are some scenes which are quite heartfelt, especially those involving the little China Girl, who is made of porcelain and parallels a quadriplegic girl in our world. Other than that, James Franco grinned too much, Michelle Williams was too bland, Mila Kunis does her best (but the movie was played off as too serious for old version of green), and Rachel Weisz was... weird. She's generally dependable (ahem, The Mummy), but I don't know why she comes off as 'half-there'. It's like, at one point, she's all evil and manipulative, and in another scene, it's sunk into her that she isn't in control as much as she likes and she wants out. And why were there no ruby slippers?! I mean, I appreciate subtlety, but not to the extent that there's almost none of it.

And that part in the end where Oz gives out gifts to everyone? I don't know why, but I found that scene a bit awkward and out-of-place, even though it's in line with canon.

This review is shorter than my other stuffs, because I left the cinema with almost no opinion of this movie, and it was difficult to bang this much out in the first place.

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