Hope.

There's this dude in office that I really like, and forgive me for being perasan, but at one point, I think he kinda liked me too.

That is, until my nerves realized I had feelings for him and started to get in the effing way, coupled with the fact that we hardly have had the chance to talk to each other for a very long while, and before you know it, feelings pass and it's like nothing happened.

Unfortunately for me, I think I skipped that last part.

Scratch that, I'm not even past that last part. Still haven't reached it yet, still in (or is it 'on'?) that runaway train, still not being able to let go, so much so that for the past few months, I needed constant distraction to keep my emotions at bay.

And it's tough because work is out of the question. It's not our peak at the moment, though I'm not sure excessive amounts of work would be successful, though.

So far it seems like he's been avoiding me with a passion, and even if we bump into each other, what he does, is look at everything else but me, usually focusing at some point in the distance above my head. I mean, he's seven feetreally tall, so it's relatively understandable, but really... At least the people who avoid me at work, acknowledge and smile back whenever I happen to catch their eye and grin.

[Because being polite doesn't hurt.]

On Wednesday, I was about to write him off as a cause so lost (c'mon, dude acts like I don't exist) that even the smoke monster can't freaking get to it, when we make eye contact. So, the rare time he looks my way and is actually looking at me, I wave at him and smile.

Then he asked me whether I was going for bowling practice that night. Mimed, really, since he was halfway across the room. I was taken aback, obviously (if you don't see it, then it's only obvious to me, obviously) but also because I actually understood that he meant bowling.

[The densest material on Earth is not something called (Os)mium (looked it up, never heard of it either), it is Me (i.e. yours truly).
I am so dense that I'll sink straight through the ocean floor (suck on that, saltwater!) right through to the core of the Earth (and then some!), I'm so dense that you can get me to proclaim that I am dense, and I'd still be dense to the fact that I just announced to the world that I am dense.
Yeah, that's how dense I am. And the sentence before this was a lame-ass attempt at something Escher-esque. If you're not familiar with his work, samples are here. They are awesome.
Also, I am lazy.]

I shook my head, and mime-asked him. He wasn't going either.

So now I'm confused. Mind you, my confusion revolves around why he bothered making small mimicrytalk, when he could've gone with the regular nod-and-acknowledge routine everyone's got down pat. No conclusion-jumping here, folks, that ship has long left the dock.

Oddly, I felt a bit... hopeful, after. That I haven't universally messed things up with him, and that, well, to put it simply, we're still okay.

Although, you could say that I'm clinically insane. And I can't say I disagree with the prognosis.

By my standards (because I have terrible luck), Wednesday was a pretty good day. Went through it relatively unscathed, found out that My Chem's Na Na Na is totally out (yes!!!), helped a senior co-worker with his taxes (without mistake!), and basically, emphasis is on the 'unscathed', emotionally and work–um...–ally.

Today, well... everything went to hell again, but... eh. Optimism. It carries forward.

Though the mild euphoria may be from the wrong reasons, but right now, somehow, things look like they're pointing north for the moment.