Twilight (2008)

I figured with Twilight season already upon us, I'd give the first movie a try. I hadn't seen it when it first came out, because even though it has vampires and is based on a best-selling series, teen romance isn't my thing.

As much as I tried to keep an open mind, I didn't like it.

Yes, the people are beautiful, and the acting wasn't atrocious as everyone had said it to be, but I still couldn't find myself to like it.

The first 45 minutes involved our two leads being awkward towards each other, with the girl being annoyed with why the totally cute loner doesn't like her, and, I believe, also with her excruciatingly over-chatty new high school friends. Besides being overwhelming, I mean hellooo, there's probably a reason why she's awkward with y'all and gives one-worded answers EVEN AFTER SOME TIME INTO THE MOVIE.

Anyway, for 15 minutes (and occasionally after that), the point that THE NEW GIRL IS POPULAR AMONG THE LOCAL EVERYONE is put to us.

We find out that totally cute loner Edward doesn't like her because he's attracted to her bloodscent (and also 'cuz he can't read her mind, but that bit isn't expanded on), and after he saves her a few times, they get to know each other and get together. As in, they lie on the forest floor looking into each other's eyes, while NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.

NOT EVEN PASSIONATE KISSING. 

[No wonder Rob Pattinson keeps wanting to get it on with Kristen Stewart. But last I heard, they already HAVE! SQUEE~]

In this story, the vampires don't burst into flame when they go into the sun, they just... glow. Or shine, if you will. A word I see being thrown around is 'sparkle', but that's just ridiculous. Edward looked glow-in-the-dark, despite standing in bright sunlight. And even with his good looks, no, he doesn't look beautiful, he just looks freaky and radioactive scary.

Anyway, the next half hour's involved with our girl Bella meeting Edward's family, decent vampires who abstain from human blood and drink animals instead (they call themselves 'vegan', but the way I see it, animal blood isn't synthetic blood, nor is it the opposite of plain ol' blood, please correct me if I'm wrong), and playing baseball, the latter scene being the best part in the entire movie.

[I think that speaks volumes of my opinion towards this film. Supermassive black HOOOOLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!!!]


Then we have some rogue vampires that do eat humans, and one of them, James, likes Bella's scent. So with some really lousy attempts at misdirection, we get to the showdown between Jim and Edward, which isn't too bad, but still can't beat the baseball scene.

Long story short: Bella gets bitten by James, James is set on fire by the other Cullens (who proceed to prance about in the background after doing so), Edward sucks the venom out after MUCH thought and deliberation, Bella is taken to the hospital, Edward says he wants to leave for fear of hurting her, Bella upon hearing that has a MASSIVE PANIC ATTACK, Edward changes his mind, and then they go to the prom.

Tha End.

Some parts didn't make sense. Obviously, James had stopped by Bella's mom's place to be able to speak to Bella over the phone, but we're talking about a cold-blooded killer here. Don't tell me that after James knocked Bella's mother out and ended the call with Bella, he proceeds to LEAVE the place without HARMING the mother?! Unless James has mad hackering skillzz or something and intercepted the call without stepping into the house, which I really doubt. And James was right outside Bella's house in Forks! How on earth does he NOT drop in and eat her father??


[And plus, the bad-ass vampires wanting to play baseball as well? Puh-leese.]

Despite all the irregularities, it was still okay for me, till I saw Bella's reaction towards Edward leaving. It was such a 180˚ for a character who through this entire time was rather expressionlessnonchalant and 'whatev', so much so that she would get all clingy and borderline obsessive towards Edward when he said he wanted to leave. Yes, she loves him, and he did save her life quite a few times, but the overreaction was a bit... random. I mean, he just 'said', he didn't actually do it.

I equate that scene to the butler telling Harry that his father died by his own hand in Spider-man 3. Though this one didn't make my jaw drop out of WTF-ness, still made the movie suck for me.

I admit that some instances (like the 'James and parents' part) may be fully explained in the book, but that should've been translated onto the movie, and it didn't. I'd be a bit pissed if I had anything to watch that day, and foregone it for this. As much as I love reading, I'm a bit afraid of trying Twilight, just in case I become a tolerant reader (or worse, a Twi-hard) and start gawping and fangirling over anything Twilight-related.

Here are two articles about the series and Edward Cullen, courtesy of Cracked.com.