Matchmaking.

So yesterday, my Mum's friend's sister tried to set me up with someone she knows, on account that I'm "too hardworking and don't have a social life".

In other words, I think she means I hang out with dem ol' geezers too often. Figures. In my defense, though, I only join them for dinner on Saturday nights, after church.

Anyway, Ms Odious went on and on and on about how good-looking her friend is, how he's a mutual fund agent and therefore, KNOWS ACCOUNTING, works weekends, and thus, will be PERFECT for me (*eyeroll*).

Notwithstanding the fact that being a mutual fund agent doesn't necessarily mean that one would have an accounting background (I mean, it's like being in insurance, for Pete's sake, it's all sales), Ms Obnoxious further said that the guy's 36 years old (36!), and also doesn't have a social life (on account of working weekends). She says she keeps telling him to get a girlfriend; I'm pretty sure he feels like telling her to STFU whenever she does.

I guess that's the only thing he and I have in common. Except that I don't feel like telling, I feel like punching.

The minute we got into the car, she starts texting this long message to aforementioned friend, telling him (probably) my name, (definitely onwards) my age, my job (thank goodness I had the presence of mind to NOT tell Ms Lack-of-Information-Security the name of my workplace when she asked), WHERE I FUCKING STAY (though not specifically), and also, if he's interested, she'll get my cellphone number from her sister.

I knew that Mum's Friend doesn't keep my number, but as I have always been fantastic bosom buddies with Timing (/sarcastic), I had just called her a few days ago because I couldn't reach my Mum and thought she might be with her Friend.

[And she fucking wasn't.]

You may be wondering at this point how I know all the details of Ms Intolerable's texting activities. Well, in the car, she was  shotgun, and I was in the backseat, driver's side. Since she's heading towards geriatric, she uses large text on her phone. REALLY large. I was able to see the entire thing without even leaning forward.

The reason why I'm so pissed about this is because SHE. DIDN'T. ASK. Apart from the fact that I already don't like the fuck out of her, there was absolutely no consent on my part to this. She just bulldozed her way into announcing that she'll be pairing me up with this unlucky guy ("unlucky" because Ms Unbearable knows he exists), who doesn't even know that he is constantly in her thoughts, and that his affairs are being meddled into as we speak.

What's worst is that my Mum certainly didn't say anything to discourage Ms Meddlesome either; she just seems mildly disinterested when Ms Horrible was doing her sales pitch. Myself, I honestly don't know how to deal with these... kinds of people, and since my temper was already boiling over and Mum has always asked me to be nicemaintain relations due to Mum's Friend's mother (who was also at dinner), I just stared intently at my cellphone videogame and played on.

When we got home, I beratedtold my Mum about what Ms Insufferable did, and asked her to quickly text her Friend for her to ask Ms Annoying POLITELY (Mum's words, not mine) that I'm not interested and please don't simply give out my number to strangers ktnxbai.

She did, and Mum's Friend replied that she'd actually wanted to "blast" (her words) Ms Iritating there and then at dinner for being so, well, her.

Thank heavens and lamb shanks Mum's Friend and her sister DO NOT get along. AT ALL.

This morning, Mum's Friend texted my Mum saying that she overlooked the 'POLITELY' in my Mum's text and just told her sister off. Mum's Friend texted again a bit later, and said that Ms Asshat wasn't going to give out my cellphone number (because they didn't have it yay), she was just going to ask the guy to look me up on Facebook if he was interested.

To that I say, "Good luck."